We all have those days when things don't go as expected and there is no Plan B in the works. Such was my last day or so. In retrospect, although I was going to say it started off with a bad hair day, I can actually say the day before wasn't great. I had my hair done and it looked wonderful and curly but I couldn't find my car keys when I left the hair establishment. I went mad retracing my footsteps and going through my purse at least twice thoroughly. I was well aware that it is impossibility to lock the keys in my car as my car just won't allow for that. Finally, I went to the car to find out I had left my car keys and my house keys in the cup holder and hadn't locked the car. Someone could have had a great win there but I was fortunate they didn't.
The next morning was the bad hair day, unusual for me who often walks into the salon and receives comments like I had just had my hair done. But yesterday it was poker straight. The weather was inclement and it was hot in the house. I will blame that combination of things. When a girl has a bad hair day everything goes sideways.
By evening, the rain was heavy. I had a meeting at the RCYC (The Royal Canadian Yacht Club) but the land offices and not on the island. It was dark but the glass doors were well lit, or should I say glass door. The other beside it was a window that looked like an open door and I went smack dab, nose forward into it. Tears welled up and the lady inside showed great concern. I can't believe I am the only one to do that. When I left I examined the window beside the door and still thought it looked like nothing was there ... except for my telltale nose print. I was more astute on the way out and thought my sideways was going straight but not so. I opened my umbrella and heard an explosion. The first words out of my mouth were "What was that?" Little needle like objects were flying everywhere. It was the mechanism in this expensive automatic umbrella that had gone awry. I managed to hold the limp fabric of the umbrella over my head now like a large hat until I arrived at my car all the while it rattled like a bucket of bolts.
All I could think of was food, drink and the comforts of home. Only my pets were there. I made myself a nice sandwich of pepperoni and lactose free light cheese. I had a few peppercinos on the side. It was delicious and I didn't want to drink coffee or water and remembered the remainder of the bottle of white wine in the fridge. I polished that off in several shots in a little glass that would fit into the dishwasher so I wouldn't have to hand wash it. It was lovely. My dessert was 3 humungous Campfire marshmallows. I proceeded then to smoky almonds and dark chocolate bark, all leftover from Thanksgiving or even Rosh Hashana. I finished my pig out, watched TV and my husband finally came home from his meeting and I went to bed.
I woke up in the morning and blew the blood from my nose from last night's misdoings. I weighed myself and noted I had gained almost a pound from my late night eating and drinking. I made myself my latte, took a few sips and as usual I am up and down in the morning collecting my things or feeding the cats before going out. By the time I returned to the latte, a ladybug had flown into it and drowned. Will this sideways direction ever end, I wondered, except someone told me later that ladybugs are good luck.
As the day went on, things got better, thank goodness. Maybe ladybugs are good luck. Maybe that is the end to this comedy of errors. I read the morning paper about how all the things that are now bad for you. Multivitamins can kill you, Vitamin E can cause prostate cancer, apples can rot your teeth and juice is worse and fish can bring on early menopause. All of a sudden, a bright light was illuminated. I don't take multivitamins or Vitamin E, I don't drink fruit juice and I don't eat fish. Maybe all the crap I ate wasn't so bad after all. Nobody has said that wine and chocolates were bad for you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel even though my nose still hurts when I wrinkle it.
My sideways has straightened up. I am doing something right.
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